What might have been... 12/23/12

I'm waiting for you to call me. You say you love me, but it's hard to believe. You ignore me and make me jealous. It's like I'm being played with. I'm tired of it.

Time and time again, you hurt me. Why? Thinking about you hurts my heart. Knowing you no longer care, hurts worse.

It reminds me of Her. Except maybe the situation's reverse. Because you're me, and I'm Her.

You're pushing me away. But no. It's reached the point where it's more like you're driving me away. You're words are empty like your heart and head. You're selfish and cruel. You lie. You can only think of yourself.

In the end, that's all you'll have. That and the memories. The regrets.

That's what I have now. I could have had Her. Been close to Her. I could've... I could've... But that's all it is. I should have... but I didn't.

It's my fault She's gone.

It will be your fault when I'm gone.

So why are you doing this to yourself? I know you're unhappy. I can see it in your eyes. Why don't you let me in. I want to help you because, the truth is, I love you.

Now, you need to decide what to do, and yes, doing nothing is a decision.

Why can't you trust me? Is it because your parents are divorced? Are you afraid of ending up like them? I'm afraid too. But you can't let fear run your life. You need to be strong and brave.

But it's hard...

You have a choice to leave if things get hard. What holds you back? Fear. What stops you from changing things? Fear.

Fear is very powerful. You can use it in many ways. To gain power, to motivate, to inspire, to fall, to change. So change.

Don't let the doubts consume you. What's better? To sit forever in dark room wondering what the outside is like? Or to find a way outside?

You wouldn't know what it's like. You've never been there. There's a door, and opening, a window behind a curtain. You have your escapes. You can leave anytime. But you're afraid. What's beyond the door? The unknown. What's it like? You want to find out. You need to. You have to. Would you cast away these thoughts and wants, and continue sitting in your empty room? Would you face the world in all it's beauty and horror? What would you do?

I've always thought it was a silly thing to do, to stay in that darken room. True, you'll never be hurt, always safe, but you'll never know how wonderful things can be. We can only experience happiness if we have experienced a great sadness. It's yin and yang. Good and evil. Light and dark. Man and woman. One cannot exist without the other.

What a terrible punishment... to forever wonder, what might have been.

It's a Sunday